I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
