Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
