my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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