Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
