T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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