dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
