if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
