To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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