I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
