would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
