My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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