I puked a lego.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
