So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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