if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
