what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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