You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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