My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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