I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
