IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
