The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
