you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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