Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
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