Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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