Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
