I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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