when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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