never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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