I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
