make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
