Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
