I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
