That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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