she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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