every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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