You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
do nipples grow back?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize