see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize