everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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