I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
