new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
