His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
