if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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