Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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