I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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