Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
