I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
