HIV tests are more positive than that guy
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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