Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize