Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
