i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
