Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
