Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
