so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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