these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
