I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize