i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
