He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
