My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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