I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
