he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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