"it" just moved
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
