i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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