can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
