wakey wakey hands off snakey
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
