and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
