I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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