The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
