return my video game
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
