woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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