I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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