Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
