You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
