I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
