The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
