I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize