if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
