hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
