My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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