idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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