drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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