so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
