i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
